And so I submitted my final assignment for my masters course a two-day ago. Barring any accident, I should be graduating successfully as a Master of Education (Mathematics) degree holder. This journey as a part-time student has not been easy as any who attempted to work full-time and study part-time can relate. But it is done. And I now reflect on why I really embark on this journey.
I knew the reason once. I am a mathematics teacher by trade. Going for this degree seems a natural progression. Not so. I don’t really need it. It was optional, and it might even be detrimental to my career as I have to slow my pace at work to cope with the studies at times. An ironic situation. But deep down, I knew that I was doing these to compensate my poor showing as a student previously.
I am a teacher. And I am supposed to encourage students to be a good student. Was I one?
Not by the conventional standards used here. I went through primary school pretty much mindlessly. I never knew when are the tests and exams. I never bothered. I go to school thinking of home. I did my assignment as told. Never wondered. Never active in any other activities beyond the classroom. I went for my PSLE without any preparations. I treated it as a normal school day. Never studied the way children are doing it today. I did okay. I failed to go into the “Special Stream” by a whisker. I wept in anger.
But I did not change. My secondary school life is pretty much the same. I remembered being engrossed with the world created by Louis Cha and his sword-fighting heroes when my friends are mugging for their ‘O’ Level. I have my storybooks next to my 10-year series. And my attention is often on the one that did not help with my grades. I did not get the results I desired. But did enough to go to a Junior College.
It was at JC that I started to rebel. I did not complete my assignments like a dutiful nerd that I was. I had my share of cutting classes. I spent my time feeling the anguish self-torment common to many teens. But I did enough to go to a local university.
Maybe I was fortunate. But university was interesting. I was supposed to be reading engineering. It bores me. Instead, I was swept up with the desire to seek a meaning in life. September 11, 2001 just happened. The world seemed to be disintegrating. I was wondering about human nature. I studied the Sutras, the Bible and the Koran. I engaged in countless dialogues. I graduated in engineering with little interest in it, but instead fired up to do something that impact the society more directly. I chose the teaching profession.
But then I realized that I never actually apply myself to study something purely from an academic perspective. And that seems to be driving force that prompted me to take up part-time study. Not for upgrading of skills. Not for career advancement. Purely for academic reason. Really. And I did.
And I think I can close that chapter of my life. Happy with myself as a student. I graduated myself.
