There are some people I don’t like. No matter how hard I try, I simply get myself to like them. Is this OK? How should I handle this?
The worst case of not liking someone is Hate. And one thing many people fail to realize is that hating someone causes you to be more miserable than the person being hated. Hating someone is a kind of suffering. Being hated is not. Hate is merely an extension of anger. Anger is a selfish, greedy, distorted ego that is determined to best others at all costs and seeing everything as a potential threat to oneself. In this state, we value only ourselves and tend to hold others in contempt. A sense of self-importance and superiority rules to the point that we cannot accept anyone who exceeds us.
SGI President Ikeda says: “Just as there are some foods that you find distasteful, having people in your environment whom you dislike is an unavoidable part of life. While there’s nothing wrong with not particularly liking certain people, it is wrong to put them down or behave in a hostile way towards them. They have the same right to exist as you do and to have their own opinions and ways of doing things…. Also, Buddhism teaches the interrelatedness of all people and things, and how we treat others will affect our own lives – so it is important to be respectful in our behavior both for others’ sake as well as for our own.”
It is OK not to like some. But it is not OK to hate someone. So that key is to prevent our dislike from slipping into the devilish state of hate. We do that by understanding that conflicts are a result of the fundamental inability of people to accept, respect and live with people who are different from us. Hence, the important thing is to cultivate our ability to respect others because every life is equally indefinitely precious.
The worst case of not liking someone is Hate. And one thing many people fail to realize is that hating someone causes you to be more miserable than the person being hated. Hating someone is a kind of suffering. Being hated is not. Hate is merely an extension of anger. Anger is a selfish, greedy, distorted ego that is determined to best others at all costs and seeing everything as a potential threat to oneself. In this state, we value only ourselves and tend to hold others in contempt. A sense of self-importance and superiority rules to the point that we cannot accept anyone who exceeds us.
SGI President Ikeda says: “Just as there are some foods that you find distasteful, having people in your environment whom you dislike is an unavoidable part of life. While there’s nothing wrong with not particularly liking certain people, it is wrong to put them down or behave in a hostile way towards them. They have the same right to exist as you do and to have their own opinions and ways of doing things…. Also, Buddhism teaches the interrelatedness of all people and things, and how we treat others will affect our own lives – so it is important to be respectful in our behavior both for others’ sake as well as for our own.”
It is OK not to like some. But it is not OK to hate someone. So that key is to prevent our dislike from slipping into the devilish state of hate. We do that by understanding that conflicts are a result of the fundamental inability of people to accept, respect and live with people who are different from us. Hence, the important thing is to cultivate our ability to respect others because every life is equally indefinitely precious.
